"I Survived a Fae Bargain" T-Shirt
"...And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (And Eternal Servitude)"
✧47
+ one childhood memory
Welcome to Drez-Mont Merch
Where the bargains are binding and the returns are impossible
Purveyors of fine fae merchandise since time became negotiable. We accept all major forms of fae currency, forgotten memories, and binding promises.
Browse Our Wares* By viewing this page, you have already agreed to our terms. We appreciate your inevitable patronage.
Featured Chaos
Candle That Smells Like Your Ex's Regret
Burns for exactly 7 hours. Cannot be extinguished early. Do not make eye contact with the flame.
✧156
scent varies by viewer
Mushroom Night Light
We cannot confirm or deny that it watches you sleep. Blinks when you're not looking.
✧67
feeding schedule included
Jar of Captured Awkward Silences
Release at parties for instant discomfort. Contents settle during shipping. May contain traces of secondhand embarrassment.
✧19
capacity: 47 silences
📚 FREE Truthbrary Card 📚
With Every 3/4ths Purchase!
The Truthbrary — the opposite of a Liebrary — is the fae realm's premier repository of things that are actually true. Unlike mortal libraries filled with fiction, speculation, and "based on a true story," the Truthbrary contains only verified facts.
Facts such as:
- ✧ The exact number of stars (it changes, but we keep up)
- ✧ What your cat is actually thinking
- ✧ Where all the missing socks go
- ✧ The real lyrics to that song you've been mishearing
- ✧ Whether they actually liked you back in 10th grade (spoiler: complicated)
Your Truthbrary Card grants unlimited access*
*Access limited to truths you can emotionally handle. The Truthbrary reserves the right to deny entry based on vibes. "3/4ths purchase" means exactly what it says — buy three quarters of any item. How you achieve this is your problem. Card non-transferable across incarnations (see Aphelion for reincarnation-friendly upgrades).
What Our Customers Say
* We may have encouraged these reviews through various means
"I bought the Bag That's Bigger on the Inside. I've lost my keys, my wallet, three socks, and what I believe was my sense of purpose. 5 stars."
Verified Purchaser (Allegedly)
"The hoodie with always-wet sleeves has ruined my ability to trust clothing. I've never felt more alive. Would buy again if I could remember how I got here."
Species: Pending Review
"Asked for a refund. Received a riddle. Solved the riddle. Now I work here. The benefits are... interesting."
Customer Service Representative (Eternal)
✧ Glamour Shard Exchange Rates ✧
Current market rates (subject to lunar phases and whims)
- 1 ✧ = 3.7 stolen laughs
- 1 ✧ = 1 jar of moonlight (grade A)
- 1 ✧ = The memory of your first lie
- 1 ✧ = 12 minutes of borrowed time
- 1 ✧ = A secret you've never told anyone
- 1 ✧ = The sound of your name spoken by someone who loves you
- 1 ✧ = Approximately $∞.∞∞ USD (rate invalid in this dimension)