Frequently Asked Questions

You don't place orders. Orders place themselves. The moment you desired something, the transaction began. By the time you're reading this, we've already processed your intent. Your Glamour Shards will be collected at a time that is convenient for us and inconvenient for the fabric of causality.

If you're asking about the literal steps: Look at product. Want product. That's it. We'll handle the rest. We always do.

We accept:

• ✧ Glamour Shards (preferred)
• ✧ Stolen laughter (minimum 3.7 per Shard)
• ✧ Jars of moonlight (Grade A only, we've been burned before)
• ✧ Memories (childhood preferred, but we'll take awkward ones)
• ✧ Secrets (must be genuinely secret, we'll know)
• ✧ Borrowed time (interest rates vary by moon phase)
• ✧ Your true name (one-time payment, permanent consequences)
• ✧ A favor to be named later (our favorite)

We do not accept: Credit cards, cryptocurrency, exposure, good vibes, or promises you don't intend to keep. We know which ones those are.

Somewhere between "already there" and "never arriving." Time is a flat circle, and our shipping policies are a flat denial of temporal consistency.

Standard shipping: 3-7 business days, or 3-7 concepts of days if you're in a dimension where days are negotiable.

Express shipping: The package will arrive before you ordered it, creating a causal loop that's really more your problem than ours.

Tracking information is available but should not be trusted. The tracking number knows where your package is. We do not share the tracking number's knowledge. It has earned that privacy.

Ha.

All sales are final because all things are final. Time moves forward (mostly), entropy increases (definitely), and your purchase has been made (irrevocably).

If you wish to attempt a return, you may submit a formal request written in ink made from dissolved regret, delivered via a moth during the third hour of a new moon. We will respond with a riddle. If you solve the riddle, you may be offered store credit.

No one has ever solved the riddle. The current record is "close, but emotionally devastating."

Yes.

All of our items come pre-cursed for your convenience. The curses are mild, sustainable, and ethically sourced. They're more like... aggressive features. Inconvenience-forward design, if you will.

If your curse exceeds the advertised inconvenience level (see individual product descriptions for expected curse intensity), please note that curse escalation is a feature, not a bug. The item is simply growing attached to you.

Curse removal services are not available because you cannot remove something that has become part of your identity. Embrace it.

We can neither confirm nor deny product sentience. Legally, we are required to say that all products are inanimate objects with no thoughts, feelings, or grudges.

Unofficially: If your product seems to be watching you, judging your life choices, or rearranging itself when you're not looking — it's probably just your imagination. Probably.

Please do not anger the products. They remember. We don't know how. They just do.

Each product has unique care requirements based on its origin, mood, and the current state of the cosmos. General guidelines:

• ✧ Do not expose to direct sunlight (it offends them)
• ✧ Do not expose to complete darkness (they get lonely)
• ✧ Speak kindly to your products (they can tell when you're lying)
• ✧ If your product starts humming, do not interrupt it
• ✧ If your product stops humming, worry slightly

Products that require feeding come with a schedule. Do not deviate from the schedule. We cannot stress this enough.

You don't contact us. We contact you. Usually at 3 AM, in that moment between waking and sleeping when the boundary is thin.

Alternatively, you may:

• ✧ Whisper your concern to a mirror during twilight
• ✧ Write your question on a leaf and release it into the wind
• ✧ Simply think very hard about your problem (we're listening)
• ✧ Email support@drezmontmerch.void (response time: eventual)

Our customer service representative, Margot the Indifferent, will respond with "That's interesting" within 3-5 moon cycles. This is the only response. It is the only response you need.

That's the mystery.

The contents exist in a state of quantum uncertainty until observed. Upon opening, the contents collapse into a single reality, which may or may not contain: forgotten dreams, mild disappointment, overwhelming wonder, a smaller mystery box, or simply more questions.

Past Mystery Box contents have included: a sense of purpose (expired), tickets to a show that hasn't happened yet, extremely vintage air, and the concept of Tuesday.

By opening the Mystery Box, you accept responsibility for whatever manifests. This includes but is not limited to: entities, obligations, revelations, and regret.

So much. You agreed to so much.

The full terms are written in a language that predates language, but here are the highlights:

• ✧ Your browsing history has been noted (the metaphysical kind)
• ✧ You've been added to a newsletter you cannot unsubscribe from
• ✧ Your name has been whispered to the moon (it's just a formality)
• ✧ A moth now knows your location (don't be alarmed)
• ✧ You've agreed to be delighted, disturbed, or both

Attempting to clear your cookies will not clear your cosmic record. Nice try though.

No, you don't. All questions are listed here. If you think you have a different question, you've simply misunderstood the question you actually have. Reread the FAQ. Your answer is here. It was always here. It will always be here.

If you persist in believing you have a unique question, please understand that uniqueness is an illusion, and your query has been asked infinite times across infinite dimensions. We have answered it infinite times. The answer is: "That's interesting."

We hope this has been helpful. We know it hasn't. Thank you for your patience, your patronage, and your participation in this elaborate cosmic joke.